Love’s Missing Piece

Love is a verb.

I remember that phrase sketched out and hung on the ceiling of my high school friend’s bedroom. She was trying to remember that love wasn’t just a feeling, it was an action. Something you do. This was an important revelation for us in these early years – love isn’t just a feeling.

As I get older, I’ve noticed there is another missing piece for how we understand love. Because, yes, love is a feeling… and an action…

But love is also an understanding.

And without these three working in tandem – the heart, the muscle, and the mind – love will always be incomplete. Love at its fullest is a trinity of our heart, mind, and strength.

For example, say you love your spouse. And you know love isn’t just a feeling, and so you act on it by bringing them home a gift each day. But because you haven’t taken time to understand them (if you did you would know they detest clutter) your act of love misses its mark.

To truly love someone, we need to understand them.

I have a habit of killing houseplants. I care about my plants, and I put that care into action by watering them. I put them somewhere I can best admire their beauty. But because I rarely take the time to understand the plant – they have oft suffered death at the hands of overwatering and lack of sunlight. It doesn’t matter if my actions towards my plants are well intended – I’ll kill them if I don’t understand them.

And it’s kind of that way with people.

But understanding isn’t the product of a day’s meditation. To be a life long lover, you must also be a life long learner.