On Mom Fears
Is there anything a mother fears more than harm to her child? We’re haunted by their vulnerability- the fact we can’t control all the forces that could hurt them. We can buckle them in carseats that look like they were built for bombers, feed them food that’s never even heard of pesticides, slather them in non toxic sunscreen and preach all the stranger danger- but we cannot control all illness, unforeseen accidents, and tragedy.
And the internet of course feeds us steady reminders of our children’s precarious existence. Social media links tell us harrowing stories of secondary drownings, devastating illnesses or accidents. I read a gut wrenching article by a mom who lost her 4 year old in a car accident – every paragraph a sludge hammer to the heart. ‘Hold your babies tight‘ she said. But I feel like most of us are holding our babies tight. Clinging to them really, out of the terror these accounts unleash in the core of our maternal beings.
Some time ago I was worried about an enlarged lymph node on one of my sons. I took him to the doctor and while I waited on test results my imagination feared the worst. What if he had cancer. In my mind I walked through all the anguish and fear such a diagnosis would bring, each smile of his made painfully sweet by the thought he could be in danger. Well he didn’t have cancer. But for days I mourned like he did.
How do we tame the restless imaginations of our maternal fears? I’ve lived through my children’s deaths too many times in the dark of the night and in the dark of my mind. As an ER nurse I’ve been in close proximity to plenty of heartbreak and have ample supply of scenarios for my own. But what good am I doing myself? Do these dark role plays prepare me to face my darkest fears?
The reality is we live in a dangerous world. The irony is the potential for loss lends a preciousness to life that we wouldn’t otherwise know. We can’t live with our heads in the sand and pretend there’s no danger, but we also can’t live under the reign of fear. Because fear doesn’t prepare you for the future, it merely robs you of your present.
Fear doesn’t prepare you for the future, it robs you of the present.
Fear takes, it doesn’t give. It doesn’t give you strength, it doesn’t give you wisdom, it doesn’t give you tools. And it takes your joy, takes your strength, takes your peace. So while being afraid in this world is certainly justifiable, remember that fear is a liar and a thief. Be aware of the dangers that our kids face and address them thoughtfully and wisely as far as you can. But don’t role play tragedy. Don’t be sucked into a bottomless vortex of what ifs. And for heaven’s sake don’t click on that link for the devastating story you know will take you there.
Guard your mind. Guard your heart. Refuse to lose the precious moments of your children’s lives to fear.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
